Author: Luisa Perkins
•1:47 PM
Veronica Mitchell at Toddled Dredge is a genius. In hilarious post she tossed off recently, she came up with a brilliant idea for a meme. I quote her:

Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This

Some of her adoring fans, including yours truly, begged her to create it. She relented and promptly tagged us all to participate; the responses so far have been fabulous.

Patrick’s out of town for the next few days; what better way to console myself in his absence than to wax poetical over literary flames who have warmed my heart in the past? That—and a little Frigor, plus maybe another viewing of The Scarlet Pimpernel—and I’m almost fine. I’ll list my literary crushes in chronological order.

1. Will Scarlet was my first literary love (Ned Nickerson never really did it for me, and I probably would have had a crush on Almanzo if I hadn’t been distracted by Laura Ingalls Wilder’s fabulous descriptions of food). I have an ancient copy of Philip Schuyler Allen’s Robin Hood that I read over and over again when I was nine. I pictured myself as one of Maid Marian’s junior attendants, running around the woods and having archery competitions with the handsome, tempestuous Will.

2. Rhett Butler: I read Gone With the Wind three times the summer I was ten; I’ve probably read it at least another fifteen times since then. “Oh, Rhett, Rhett,” I’d practice sighing in my idea of a cultured Georgia accent when I was sure no one was around.

He was kissing her now and his mustache tickled her mouth, kissing her with slow, hot lips that were so leisurely as though he had the whole night before him. Charles had never kissed her like this. Never had the kisses of the Tarleton and Calvert boys made her go hot and cold and shaky like this. He bent her body backward and his lips traveled down her throat to where the cameo fastened her basque. “Sweet,” he whispered. “Sweet.”

Holy cow. I can’t believe I was reading that when I was ten.

3. Éomer from The Lord of the Rings came next. I knew I couldn’t compete with the eternally beautiful Arwen, so Aragorn was right out. Faramir is awesome, but he’s clearly the man for Éowyn. Éomer, however, is completely unattached. (Oh, I know he eventually marries Lothíriel. Give me a break.) He’s a manly Marshal with fabulous, long blond hair who knows how to handle horses; he commands. I felt vindicated in my love for him when Karl Urban played him in the movie version of The Two Towers. Good grief: he is out of control.

4. When I was twelve, I was blown away by Anne McCaffrey’s Dragonriders of Pern series (not the lame, tame version that has been edited and reissued for kids). Chief among its attractions (the fabulous telepathic dragons aside) was the amber-eyed, haughty F’lar, leader of the dragonriders.

5. In Eighth Grade Honors English, we read Much Ado About Nothing, then went and saw the play at San Francisco’s American Conservatory Theatre. Benedick had me at “I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.” Oh, the challenge…again, validation of this crush came when Brian Stokes Mitchell recently played Benedick in Kiss Me, Kate on Broadway.

6. Captain Wentworth: Of course I adore Mr. Darcy. But sometimes I go for the less obvious guy; the reserved hero of Jane Austen’s Persuasion is just the ticket. I know he rightly belongs to Anne. It’s just that I, like the Musgrove girls, have “a little fever of admiration” for him (especially as realized by Ciarán Hinds in the 1995 movie).

7. Including Chris McIlroy of my own first novel Shannon’s Mirror is not an act of shameless self-promotion. It’s just that he is an aggregate of all my favorite teen-age boyfriends. Heaven knows they were attractive enough in real life. How much more their composite ideal?

8. Who cares whether Llewelyn ap Iorwerth happens to be one of my real-life ancestors? There are almost 1,000 years between us. In Sharon Kay Penman’s Here There Be Dragons, he fights hard to keep Wales unified in the face of John Lackland’s inroads; he’s unfailingly loyal to Richard the Lionhearted; and he completely forgives his wonderful wife Joanna a grievous hurt. Their makeup scene not only made me cry when I first read it, it gets me a little misty just writing about it now.

9. John Uskglass, a.k.a. The Raven King: He looks like Lord Byron, only better. He’s powerfully magical and oh, so mysterious. He rules all of Faerie. He’s one of the reasons why Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke, is one of my favorite books of all time.

10. Jake from New Moon and Eclipse: Can someone please explain to me why Bella is such a goner for a cold undead guy when there is a wolfishly hot, motorcycle-riding, live human right at her elbow? (Edward fans, that’s a rhetorical question.) The makeout scene between Jake and Bella in Eclipse is by far my favorite thing that the talented Stephenie Meyer has yet published.

* Hamlet didn't make the cut. Unless it's the Hamlet played by Ralph Fiennes on Broadway back in 1995. Get out of my way, Ophelia....

Other contenders were Heathcliff (except I’d be too scared of Cathy’s revenge); Elizabeth George’s Inspector Lynley; Diana Gabaldon’s Jamie Fraser; and of course, the incomparable Barney Snaith. But I wanted to leave some for those who are now tagged: Kymburlee! Annette! Jenna! Julie! Josi! Avery! Heffalump! Dapoppins! You're up, gals! Anyone else want to play? Please, by all means! Just come back and tell me so that I can come be entertained by your answers.
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34 comments:

On 11/10/07 , Kate said...

oohhh . . . niiiice list! :)

 
On 11/10/07 , Josi said...

Oh man, the pressure's on!

 
On 11/10/07 , Avery Gray said...

I am definitely up for the challenge! Will be posting my list tomorrow. Thanks for the tag!

Oh, and you came up with some mighty fine answers, my dear!! ;o)

 
On 11/10/07 , Veronica Mitchell said...

This was one fo the most creative responses yet. Love it. Except even as an afterthought, Heathcliff is everything I DON'T want in a man.

 
On 11/10/07 , painted maypole said...

i was tagged for this earlier this week... and have been putting it off. I am downright afraid of this meme. ;) I will try to do it tonight or tomorrow.

 
On 11/10/07 , CableGirl said...

Oh what a fantastic meme! Does it make me sound too desperate to ask someone to tag me for it? lol

 
On 11/10/07 , James Dashner said...

I am disgusted, offended, mortified, petrified.

By your list? No. By the extreme sexism going on here. Why, pray tell, have you only tagged women?

What, men can't fantasize about female characters? Eomer? Please. Eowyn, now she was hot.

 
On 11/10/07 , Luisa Perkins said...

Dude, I only know two guy bloggers well. And I tagged you on Tuesday, so I thought it was too soon to hit you up again. RaJ was my tagger Monday. Again, too soon to 'return the favor.'

But go for it, if you want. I'm sure one of the other gals will give you an official tag, if you prefer.

 
On 11/10/07 , Brillig said...

Hahaha. Loved this post!!! I LOVE that you included Chris. And Benedick would surely be on mine too. Otherwise... well, we'll just agree to disagree, okay? hahaha. This was so much fun to read.

 
On 11/10/07 , dawn said...

Okay, so I was for the most part lost. I read Gone With the Winds as a teen. I read a few others then and in university, but I am so out of the literary loop, I didn't recognize all of the characters you mentioned. I did recognize some, so at least I am not too out of it. I will let Sirdar tell you none of them do anything for him. Oh, pretend you didn't see that part.

 
On 11/10/07 , Annette Lyon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
On 11/10/07 , Anne Bradshaw said...

Fun blog. I've never thought of book heroes this way. I guess I see them through the eyes of the heroine and like or dislike them when she does. Isn't that odd?

 
On 11/10/07 , Heffalump said...

Mine is up...thanks for the challence...

 
On 11/10/07 , anjmae said...

oooh, I love Captain Wentworth! great post!

 
On 11/10/07 , James Dashner said...

I was just ribbin ya. Not so sure I want that post on my blog since hopefully I have kid fans reading it. I don't really want them to know I've always wanted to make out with both Cosette AND Fantine.

 
On 11/10/07 , Kimberly said...

Oh my...this is genius. Genius I say!

I've been playing at deviant art this afternoon, trying to find a picture that would inspire a post. Don't know if I want to post a picture of what this has me pondering about. Hrmmm....

I'm going to start my post right this very minute!

 
On 11/10/07 , Kateastrophe said...

Oh my gosh do you love Brian Stokes Mitchell as much as I do? That man makes my fingernails sweat. I waited outside of the Kiss Me, Kate theatre in two degree weather for two hours waiting to meet him. He's the only person I'm star struck over. The voice! Oh man . . . now you got me started!

And now i need to finish reading the rest of your post.

 
On 11/10/07 , Dapoppins said...

Oh, very nice! Okay, I'll play, but it might take me a couple of days to decide.

 
On 12/10/07 , Sirdar said...

Sorry to say but none of those characters do much for me :-)

But hey...What you do in print, stays in print!!

 
On 12/10/07 , so grateful to be Mormon! said...

hi,
what a fun meme idea. i can definitely see the fun in this one. i would add mr. darcy from pride and pred.... how could i leave him out? i love that about certain books who you feel like you practically know them or want to to ... and by the time the book ends, you want to continue the experience with them in a way. i love it when books/writers can make you feel like that.

fun post girl today, kathleen :)

 
On 12/10/07 , Thalia's Child said...

What a fantastic list!! Hmmm...

 
On 12/10/07 , Jenna said...

Okay, dear, my list is up! Since I didn't know many of your picks, I'm trusting you won't know many of mine either...but for different reasons, you bookworm, you. Age 10??? Three times???

 
On 12/10/07 , Mrs. Who said...

That is so funny you said that about Laura Ingalls Wilder writing about food. I always tell the kids at my school that her books make me hungry because that's all they talk about!! I guess they spent so much time hunting for, storing and preparing food in those days that it was a big part of their lives. "Farmer Boy" is the absolute worst!! You can't read it without snacking!

 
On 12/10/07 , bubandpie said...

I bought Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell when I was almost-due with the Pie and desperate to get my mind off of the tension of waiting. It didn't work though - I couldn't get into it. Maybe I should give it another chance under calmer circumstances.

 
On 12/10/07 , Julie Wright said...

This is the funnest thing I have ever been tagged for. I'm finishing my novel tonight and getting right on this!! Oh and Wentworth . . . yeah . . . definitely fever of admiration. And just so happens my husband is out of town too. :)

 
On 12/10/07 , Radioactive Jam said...

Trying to remember how old *I* was when I read Gone With The Wind. 5th grade, so I would have been either ten or eleven.

Since I was a major nerd even at that age, and didn't even pretend to have a girlfriend until the middle of 6th grade (shaddup), there was a lot of that book I didn't understand.
;-)

A fine list, though. Somewhat different from mine. Now there's a big surprise, eh?

 
On 13/10/07 , so grateful to be Mormon! said...

i have had fun reading your meme on a few blogs last night and today. very yummy :)

great idea whoever came up with this "make out meme."

 
On 13/10/07 , Jod{i} said...

Great list! I am with you on number 3! A definite, and maybe even Boromir, as it is so tragic and time limited..
Glad I joined cre8buzz and found so many talent interesting people!

Peace
Jodi

 
On 13/10/07 , Julie Wright said...

My snogging desires are posted! Loved loved loved this

 
On 14/10/07 , Julie Q. said...

Oh that Gone with the Wind scene is hot.

Are you also fond of the Kenneth Branagh Bennedick? He is rather thin-lipped but so very cute in that movie (in a desperately self-centered kind of way).

 
On 15/10/07 , Brillig said...

Okay, did you change the title? Or did I not notice it before? It's BRILLIANT--and hilarious!

 
On 15/10/07 , rjlight said...

Watching the tv show Little House on the Praire would ruin me ever having a crush on Almonzo--that guy annoyed me and his calling her "Beth". I really couldn't do this meme -- I never remember books I read! I remember a feeling about them -- but hardly anything about the characters, plot etc. I think they are all in my subconscious though and I'm worried I will think I'm creating something new when I write and be regurgitating an old plot I read!

 
On 16/10/07 , Syar said...

Oh-em-gee! I love your list but you made my heart stop at number 10.

I just finished Eclipse, and while I still pine for Edward, I'll have to agree. Why would I pick cold, too-perfect-for-me marble statue Edward when I can have pining-for-me, devilishly mischievious, space heater Jake? Like, get real Bella.

Thanks for appealing to the 13 year old in me. :-D

 
On 18/10/07 , Catherine said...

I've seen a few people write this meme, but you have BY FAR the best title for it. :)